MARRIAGE: STAYING TOGETHER FOR LIFE (Part 1)
A. Many do not understand the importance of marriage; nor do they understand how to have a successful marriage. As an outcome, many marriages end up in divorce court. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 20% (40 out 200) of those married, divorce and the number divorced has climbed for the period of time between 1921-1989.
B. Contemporary America has become a "throw-away society." Increasingly rapid change and mobility have brought increasing transience to the lives of people in this country. Whereas Americans once held on to their possessions as long as possible, now rapidly changing fashions and the abundance inexpensive goods has resulted in a planned obsolescence in manufactured things so that when were done with them we just get rid of them. When we’re done with them we just throw them away. This attitude has even extended to personal relationships and has given way to "the disposable person." In many ways this idea of disposability has become applied to marriage, at least it would seem so in practice. However, such an idea of marriage is diametrically opposed to the teaching of scripture, where learn God’s intention for marriage is a lifelong commitment.
C. There are three divinely ordained institutions: the home (a marriage and family), the church and the government. The devil is out to destroy all three, but primarily targets the home. The reason is that strong marriages make for strong families, and strong families make for strong churches. In weakening the family, the devil weakens congregations which will give way to a weak government. Since these institutions are not the invention of men, but of God, their strength is found in adherence to God's word. Let’s consider the home, specifically marriage and some Cs we need to see in marriage to make it lasting.
Discussion
I. GOD’S INTENT FOR MARRIAGE (Genesis 2:18-25).
A. God’s intent in marriage was for the people in them to live, one man with one woman (Gen 2:24; 1Co 7:2) for life (Mat 19:3-9).
B. From the very beginning, the successful marriage has included at least three parts:
1. Companionship - God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen 2:18).
a. Marriage is not just about sharing thing people have in common or cheaper rent but is about a life long companionship.
b. Though in looking at all he had created, which included man, and having declared, “... behold, it was very good” (Gen 1:31) God saw the need for man to have a suitable companion.
(1) No doubt part of the reason God left it to Adam to name all the animals was that in so doing, Adam learned there was none other that was like him among all God created, in spite of what the evolutionist might claim.
(2) Therefore, God created for man a “help meet,” a helper suitable for him.
(3) God intended marriage to be helping relationship; an environment in which each person of the couple, reaches full potential by becoming one with the other person.
(4) When Adam saw Eve he said wo-man, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen 2:20).
c. Part of the success of a marriage entails seeking a suitable companion (Pro 18:22; 19:14).
d. Pursing a suitable companion involves at least four parts:
(1) Courtship
(a) If people wanting to marry spent more courting before marrying, and at that, not the social activity of friendship dating that takes place among preteens to teens, there would be fewer marriages in court.
(b) Spending a longer time courting, allows each of the two people to learn more about each other so that perhaps flaws in each other will become evident before marriage and not after the marriage has taken place.
(c) God gave us the ability to communicate, not read minds.
(d) A typical mistake is for the two people in a courtship is to assume their individual needs and goals are just the same as the other one’s needs and goals.
(2) Consideration - from the point of view of men toward women (1Pe 3:7)
(3) Compromise
(a) Writing of differences in matters of opinion between saints Paul talked of the need to compromise (Rom 14:10-20).
(b) In any relationship as well as taking we need to give, in order to keep the peace.
(c) Neither person in the relationship should ever try to have it their own way all the time.
i) So we realize then, there are wrong attitudes we need to put away in marriage and proper attitudes we need to take to ourselves.
ii) In writing of the need for Christians to live a different way old Paul listed some things we must put away from us and to take to ourselves (Eph 4:24-39).
iii) In speech always remember, the next time you want to give someone your "two cents" worth - THINK.
a) T - Is it TRUE?
b) H - Is it HELPFUL?
c) I - Is it IMPORTANT?
d) N - Is it NECESSARY?
e) K - Is it KIND?
iv) If we would take more time to THINK before we speak, we would keep more peace in the marriage relationship (Pro 15:1).
(d) Real love seeks the best of the other person (cp. Php 2:3-4).
(e) Of course this will require patients which is essential in any relationship.
i) We must realize that no one is perfect and that we are all imperfect people living in an imperfect world.
ii) Problems will arise and we will need patients to work through them.
(f) If the person you are courting will not compromise, it may be necessary to end the relationship and look for another person.
(4) Compassion (Eph 4:32).
2. Closeness - God said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen 2: 24).
a. A husband and wife must leave their family of origin in closeness, in order to establish a greater closeness between them in the marriage relationship.
b. It also means that in a marriage their will be no other relationship on earth above that with your spouse.
c. The Bible speaks of one flesh in the husband-wife relationship and no other (Eph. 5:29-29, 33 cf. Pro 5:19; Mat 19: 4; 1Cor 6:15).
d. The are to be one woman for one man for life (cp. Rom 7:1-2).
3. Clearness -“they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Gen 2: 25).
a. Shame should never be allow to enter into a marriage if we want a lasting marriage but rather we should keep the marriage honorable (cp. Heb 13:4).
Transition: Marriage is made up of imperfect people who have committed themselves to each other for life. The success of the marriage depends on their diligently pursuing to keep that commitment alive. However, sometimes the commitment is allowed to weaken?
II. GOD’S INTENT FOR MARRIAGE - WHEN IT’S NOT FOLLOWED
A. Though Israel was allowed divorce (Deu 24:1-4), the prophet Malachi made it clear that God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). Jesus made it clear it was allowed for the hardness of their hearts (Mat 19:3-8).
1. God hates divorce because it violates intention for marriage.
2. God hates divorce because it involves the breaking of a covenant.
3. God hates divorce because it inevitably inflicts pain.
B. There are only two instances in which one can divorce a spouse but the outcomes are not the same.
1. For Infidelity (Mat 19:9).
a. Though divorce and remarriage in not forbidden for this specific case and for the innocent only, forgiveness and reconciliation, are always the first option, if at all possible.
b. A woman came to her preacher and told him, “I want a divorce, I just can’t stand my husband any longer. But I don’t want to get one immediately, first I want to hurt him as much as possible, then divorce him!” The preacher suggested that if she really wanted to hurt him, she should pretend that nothing is wrong and do everything for him for the next two months. Then, when he least expects it, she should send him the divorce papers. That will really get him! She agreed, and for the next two months she acted as if she really loved him. She did things for him, and really tried to make him happy. About two months later the preacher called and asked if she had gone through with the divorce. She said in surprise, “No, why would I want a divorce!” Then she remembered their conversation and she explained that when she started acting like she loved her husband, she found out that she really did love him, her desire was really still for him and she didn’t want a divorce. [1]
c. We see God’s desire for continued life long commitment especially in cases of separation not involving infidelity.
2. For No Infidelity (cp. 1Co 7:10-11).
a. In this situation neither may marry but must remain unmarried or else be reconciled.
Sources:
Russell Cook, Following the Blueprint For Marriage; Building Blocks For A Better Marriage
Michael P. Andrus, Marriage Is for Life, Unless . . ., Christ is the Answer When the Church is in Crisis
[1] Russell Carnley, Keys to a Successful Marriage
In charity through Christ,
Raymond Wiseman
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