The People Of God (6:1-9)
Their Families Are Different (6:1-5)
RESPONSIBILITY: FATHERS ARE TO TEACH THEIR CHILDREN
Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:20-21; * Eph 6:1 (Father’s Day)
Reading:
Songs:
Theme: discipline brings about godliness and maintains fellowship with God
INTRODUCTION
A. Relay teams practice handing off the baton daily. Giving the baton is easy. The runner handing it off can see the receiving runner in front and can place it in his or her hand, but receiving the baton isn’t easy. The runners receiving the baton watches and begins running as the teammate approaches the mark. Because the handoff must occur within a predetermined range, the receiver can’t start too early, and because he or she wants to be at full speed when the baton is passed, the receiver can’t start too late. Timing is everything. It takes a lot of training.
B. In life, particularly spiritually speaking, parents hand off to their children readiness for life. These are critical years in the parent, child relationship. This is the time when children begin to move on their own, and it is important they are trained, ready to receive the handoff from their parents. The parents are still holding the baton, they are still the runners in charge, but they are running with a purpose-to hand off the baton. Ephesians 6:1-4 gives instructions for how the parent and child should behave while they are running in the handoff zone, to make the handoff successful.
C. Watching young children it is not hard to realize that nearly everything they do is in imitation of their parents. When my son Philip used to see his mother sweeping the floor he would hold on to the broom wanting to do the same thing. It got so frustrating trying to sweep the floor that we had to get him his own little broom. When I would pick up a tool I could always expect to turn to see him doing exactly the same with his plastic toy tools. Whenever I was out cutting up firewood with the chain saw, I would always notice Philip behind me a ways, pretending to saw at a tree with a small branch. When we found a toy chain saw in a store we bought it for him. I was amazed to see him go through exactly the same motions I did with a real one. Sometimes when I would come into the house with a frown on my face and sit down without saying anything its not long before I notice Philip doing the same thing. There are even times I see him doing something which I know he picked up from me. He imitated my good and bad habits. It all made me realize that he was growing up in the shadow of his father. Such imitation should cause us as parents, concern about what our children are learning from us or not learning from us. Parenthood involves great responsibility for the welfare of a soul entrusted to us. Our main responsibility to our children is to prepare them for eternity.
D. How can we do it? How should we rear our children? In Eph 6:4 Paul explained some of what is needed in regard to training our children for eternity. Paul gave a command to fathers regarding the rearing of children. The command was:
II. STATED NEGATIVELY (6:4a*).
"... do not provoke your children to anger ..." (6:4a; cp. Col 3:21)
KJV
4 And <2532>, ye fathers <3962>, provoke <3949> <0> not <3361> your <5216> children <5043> to wrath <3949> (5720): ... (cp. Col 3:21).
Textus Receptus
4 kai <2532> {CONJ} oi <3588> {T-NPM} paterev <3962> {N-NPM} mh <3361> {PRT-N} parorgizete <3949> (5720) {V-PAM-2P} ta <3588> {T-APN} tekna <5043> {N-APN} umwn <5216> {P-2GP} ...
1. Having called children to obey their parents with honor (Eph 6:1-3), Paul called on their parents, specifically, fathers to help their children in that process by not to provoke their children to wrath.
(1) fathers, 3962. pathr PATER pat-ayr’; apparently a primary word; a "father" (literally or figuratively, near or more remote):—father, parent.
3962 pathr pater pat-ayr’ apparently a root word; TDNT-5:945,805; n m AV-Father 268, father 150; 419 1) generator or male ancestor 1a) either the nearest ancestor: father of the corporeal nature, natural fathers, both parents 1b) a more remote ancestor, the founder of a family or tribe, progenitor of a people, forefather: so Abraham is called, Jacob and David 1b1) fathers i.e. ancestors, forefathers, founders of a nation 1c) one advanced in years, a senior 2) metaph. 2a) the originator and transmitter of anything 2a1) the authors of a family or society of persons animated by the same spirit as himself 2a2) one who has infused his own spirit into others, who actuates and governs their minds 2b) one who stands in a father’s place and looks after another in a paternal way 2c) a title of honour 2c1) teachers, as those to whom pupils trace back the knowledge and training they have received 2c2) the members of the Sanhedrin, whose prerogative it was by virtue of the wisdom and experience in which they excelled, to take charge of the interests of others 3) God is called the Father 3a) of the stars, the heavenly luminaries, because he is their creator, upholder, ruler 3b) of all rational and intelligent beings, whether angels or men, because he is their creator, preserver, guardian and protector 3b1) of spiritual beings and of all men 3c) of Christians, as those who through Christ have been exalted to a specially close and intimate relationship with God, and who no longer dread him as a stern judge of sinners, but revere him as their reconciled and loving Father 3d) the Father of Jesus Christ, as one whom God has united to himself in the closest bond of love and intimacy, made acquainted with his purposes, appointed to explain and carry out among men the plan of salvation, and made to share also in his own divine nature 3d1) by Jesus Christ himself 3d2) by the apostles
(2) There are two reason some claim the word for “Father” should be “parents.”
(3) The same word was used of Moses’ parents (Heb 11:23).
(4) Since Paul was writing of parents in verse 1-3, it is likely he continued to write of them in verse 4.
b. By "fathers" Paul did not intend to exclude "mothers" from being able to teach their children.
(1) At all times, children must be taught what God expects of them.
(2) In the absence, so it would seem, of a godly father, Timothy was taught God’s word by his mother Lois, and his grandmother, Eunice (2Ti 3:15).
(3) Timothy’s mother and grand mother did not believe the idea that children should not be influenced before they are able to decided for themselves (Pro 22:6).
(4) All parents should have the same attitude with their own children.
(5) by writing to fathers, Paul was only pointing out that the primary duty for training children, was with the expected leader of the family - fathers (Eph 5:23).
(6) However, in teaching and subsequently, encouraging following it, a serious problem can arise.
c. provoke, 3949. parorgizw PARORGIZO par-org-id’-zo; from 3844 and 3710; to anger alongside, i.e. enrage:— to anger, provoke to wrath.
(1) Paul called for restraint in fathers in disciplining children who are disobedient.
(2) Is, therefore, the old Dr. Spock’s reasoning of not spank our children, then in harmony with the call not to provoke our children?
(a) It is important that in disciplining children, that the discipline is not exercised out of annoyance or while hot-tempered.
(b) In disciplining our children, we should always have control of our emotions.
(c) How can we demand discipline to control our children for acting uncontrolled when we ourselves, obviously need to practice self-control?
(3) The idea Paul was trying to convey was not that of withhold punishment from children (Pro 13:24;19:18; 22:15) but that fathers need to take care not to encourage their children to develop resentment when disciplined.
(a) The reason is simple.
(b) When children are angered to resentment, they will stop paying attention to what their fathers teach and will therefore, reject their father’s leadership.
(c) Some of the leading causes of this resentment are overprotection which smothers children, favoritism which leaves other children out of mind (Jacob, Joseph and his brothers), or neglect which ignores them.
(d) Such resentment might develop from discipline that results in continual humiliation, discouragement, unreasonable request, and trying to clone oneself in his children.
(e) Some other leading causes of resentment are overprotection which smothers children, favoritism which leaves other children out of mind (Jacob - Joseph and his brothers) and neglect which ignores the children completely.
d. The account of David and his clash with his son Absalom is a classic account of what can happen when a father provokes his children (2Sam 13:1-16:22). King David had a few tragic flaws, not having been are very good father. One of David’s other sons, Amnon, raped his half-sister Tamar. Though David was aware of the incident, he apparently did nothing about it. Angered by his sister’s disgrace, Absalom, another of David’s sons, killed Amnon. Then, fearing for his life, Absalom fled Jerusalem into the wilderness. When David allowed Absalom to return to Jerusalem, Absalom received no welcome, no greeting, no forgiveness. In fact, David refused to meet with Absalom. A short time later, angered at his father’s rejection, Absalom began to build a political power base in Jerusalem, seeking the favor of the people. Later he lead a full-scale rebellion against his father, forcing king David to flee the city in disgrace. Basking in his victory, Absalom went up to the rooftop of his father’s palace, and publicly shamed his father David by laying with his concubines.
e. Another classic case regarding discipline is found with the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luk 15:11-24), in which a child openly rebelled and rejected his father’s values. But, in this case, the father did nothing of which we are aware, to exasperate his child. The father allowed the son to go off to face certain, inevitable consequences. However, when the son returned, in the parable of the Prodigal Son, when the son returned repentant, he wasn’t met with his father’s rejection or "I told you so." Instead, unlike David, the father in the parable, extended open arms of forgiveness and grace to the wayward son. The relationship between father and son was restored.
f. Perhaps you too have:
(1) ignored your children’s welfare by focusing too much attention on your public life and not enough on your family’s life?
(2) exhibited weak leadership at home, failing to administer appropriate discipline and correction when it was needed?
(3) It is one thing to make mistakes with our children but totally another if we realize it and then do nothing to remedy the mistakes.
g. Sometimes time is allowed run out as with David and Absalom. Though we make mistakes that may exasperate our children, that may provoke them to rebellion, let's take care to not follow David's example at not dealing with what in our behavior, may have provoked our children. Instead, as the father with his prodigal son, let’s allow room for forgiveness. Time is short! In a blink of an eye our children are grown and gone. God has only granted us a few short years to invest in the lives of our children, to prepare them for when they are on their own. Let’s take care in raising our children, not to provoke them to wrath.
2. Though fathers have authority over their children they do not have a right to unbridled misuse of that authority.
a. Fathers are not to rule with excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, or any other form of gross insensitivity to a child's needs (Andrew Lincoln, Ephesians, Word Biblical Commentary).
b. As husbands, in providing a godly environment in the home, encourage their wives to want to be submissive, fathers in providing a godly life and attitude encourage their children to obey and honor without resentment.
c. Having been properly disciplined by their fathers, children will then prepared to submit to those over them rather then rebel:
(1) parents
(2) Governing authorities. Rom. 131-7; Tit. 3:1; 1 Pet. 2:13-15a
(3) Elders in the church. 1 Pet. 5:5
(a) Being consistent is an essential key in bringing up faithful children. On the topic of submitting to or following the leadership of the elders, an obvious area where this consistency in discipline needs to be seen is in the matter of attendance.
(b) If fathers allow their children to miss the worship services in order to instead attend sporting events, for school functions (band trips, plays, etc) or for other outing (camping, fishing, hunting, etc.), the children learn that the ball game is more important than the Lord.
(c) If fathers fail to take the family to worship when they are traveling, fathers demonstrate to the children, serving God is something done only when it is convenient.
(d) If fathers allow their children to take part-time jobs that interfere with their attendance, children receive a clear sign that work and career considerations are of a higher priority than spiritual things.
(4) Employers, etc.
(5) They will be equipped to "serve" having learned godly submission to authority.
Transition: Instead of harshness, fathers are to provide training for their children, specifically in what it means to live godly.
III. STATED POSITIVELY
A."...bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord ..."
4 ... but <235> bring <1625> <0> them <846> up <1625> (5720) in <1722> the nurture <3809> and <2532> admonition <3559> of the Lord <2962>.
4 ... all <235> {CONJ} ektrefete <1625> (5720) {V-PAM-2P} auta <846> {P-APN} en <1722> {PREP} paideia <3809> {N-DSF} kai <2532> {CONJ} nouyesia <3559> {N-DSF} kuriou <2962> {N-GSM}
1. bring them up, 1625 ektrefw EKTREPHO ek-tref’-o from 1537 and 5142; ; v AV-nourish 1, bring up 1; 2 1) to nourish up to maturity, to nourish 2) to nurture, bring up
846 autov AUTOS ow-tos’ from the particle au [perhaps akin to the base of 109 through the idea of a baffling wind] (backward); ; pron AV-him 1952, his 1084, their 318, he 253, her 242, they 121, same 80, himself 58, misc 1679; 5787 1) himself, herself, themselves, itself 2) he, she, it 3) the same
a. It literally means to nourish or feed.
b. When children are babies or only very young it seems most parents have all kinds of time to provide "tender care" for their children.
c. However, as children begin to reach adulthood, they are left more and more to feeding themselves or learning about life by their own mistakes.
d. Brethren, fathers, it shouldn’t be so.
2. nurture, 3809. paideia PAIDEIA pahee-di’-ah; from 3811; tutorage, i.e. education or training; by implication, disciplinary correction:—chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture.
a. This refers to correction or chastisement.
b. This kind of training is done using regulations, rewards and if necessary, restrictions by way of punishment (cp. Heb 12:5-11)
3. admonition, 3559 nouyesia NOUTHESIA noo-thes-ee’-ah from 3563 and a derivative of 5087; TDNT-4:1019,636; n f AV-admonition 3; 3 1) admonition, exhortation
4. Fathers are to bring their children to maturity in the Lord by providing structure for their lives and teaching them God’s ways.
5. Families need a strong leader and problems result when a father abdicates his responsibility to provide it.
a. When fathers do not provide proper godly leadership the results are frequently, spiritually tragic for their children.
(1) Aaron and his sons (Aaron’s complaining against Moses Ex. 32:21, 24; Aaron’s sons, Nadab and Abihu offered false worship Num. 12:1-4, 9-15, Lev. 10:1-2)
(2) Eli and his sons (Hophni and Phinehas) - brought disgrace on Eli’s name, a mockery of God’s law and a huge military defeat for Israel becuase God rejected them (1Sam. 2:12-17, 22-32).
(3) Samuel and his sons (Joel and Abiah) - took bribes, perverted justice and rejected God and resulted in Israel wanting a king (1Sa 8:1-5).
(4) Concerning the law of Moses and obedience to it, of such great importance was teaching it, that God commanded (Deu 6:6-9; 30:15-16; 32:46-47).
(5) The New Testament places the same importance in teaching the law of Christ (Heb 2:1-4).
(6) Fathers who fail to see the important to teach their children God’s word and fail to do it, not only sin against God, themselves and their children but also the church and the world in general.
b. The first thing fathers need to teach their children while directing them toward God’s will, is to teach them about authority by defining the boundaries.
(1) Many of us probably said when we were younger and still at living with our parents that we never tell our children, “As long as you live in this home you will live by these rules and regulations."
(2) The fact is, children must be made aware where the line is and the results if they cross the line.
(3) They need a code for: dress, speech, behavior, worship and life.
(4) This is important so that when children test the authority, they will have no excuse for claiming ignorance or lacking understanding regarding the boundaries.
c. Second to setting boundaries, fathers need to model God’s word in their own lives before expecting to properly impart it to your children (cp. Deu 6:4-6)
B. Fathers who want their children to see the importance of obedience to God’s word must set the proper example in their own lives if they expect their children to follow it (cp. Josh. 24:15).
1. Let's examine briefly a few passages that deal with honorable parents:
a. Elkanah and Hannah - Samuel (1Sam. 1:5-28)
b. Zacharias and Elisabeth - John the Baptist (cf. Mat. 11:11; Luk. 1:6; Joh. 5:35)
c. (For single parents) Lois and Eunice - Timothy (2Tim. 3:14-15).
2. Today, ask your child(ren) to stand beside you and look into a mirror. Ask he/she what he/she sees. Ask he/she what he/she thinks others would see from the reflection. Ask your child(ren) to look at you in the mirror. Ask he/she what he/she sees. In each case, do you think they will say, "The spiritual image of Jesus Christ?" It's not too late to start today to try to teach our children how to walk.
Conclusion:
Many have the responsibility to be the agents by which God disciplines. In the case of the family, this is the role of the parents. Parents must "train" their children "in the Lord." Synonymously, children are to be nourished in the word of God that they may grow up in His ways. Doing such will profit them not only in this life, but the life to come.
The purpose of training our children in the Lord -- that they
may be trained to be godly.
2. The principles involved in training our children in the Lord.
3. The goal of properly training our children in the Lord --
eternal fellowship with God.
God has ordained parents the responsibility to train up their
children with discipline: to instruct, correct, and punish them.
1. That they may grow up to be godly servants of the Lord and thereby have fellowship with God.
Twenty Common Ways Parents Provoke Their Children to Anger (author unknown)
1. By modeling anger. Proverbs 22:24-25
2. By not having marital harmony. Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 12:15
3. By consistently disciplining in anger. Psalm 6:1; 38:1
4. By being inconsistent with discipline. Ecclesiastes 8:11
5. By having double standards. Matthew 23:1-4; Philippians 4:9
6. By not admitting when wrong. Matthew 5:23-26; Job 32:2; James 5:16
7. By constantly finding fault. Job 32:2-3
8. By reversing God-given roles. Ephesians 5:22-24; Genesis 3:16
9. By not listening to the child's opinion or the child's side of the story. Proverbs 18:13,17
10. By comparing them to others. 2 Corinthians 10:12
11. By not having time to talk with them. Ephesians 5:18
12. By not praising the child. 2 Corinthians 2:6-8; Revelation 2,3
13. By failing to keep promises. Matthew 5:37; Colossians 3:9; Psalm 15:4
14. By scolding him/her in front of others. Matthew 18:15; John 21:15-17
15. By giving too much freedom. Proverbs 29:15; Galatians 4:1-2
16. By being too strict. James 3:17
17. By making fun of the child. Job 17:1-2
18. By abusing them physically. 1 Timothy 3:3; Titus 1:7; Numbers 22
19. By calling them names. Ephesians 4:29
20. By having unrealistic expectations. 1 Corinthians 13:11
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