Relationships In The Lord (5:22--6:9).
The Family (5:22-6:4)
Children: Their Duty In The Family
Ephesians 6:1-3
Reading:
Songs:
Theme:
INTRODUCTION
A. A local news station told a story of a late-night party that had been going on in a park. A group of teen-agers had their music up very loud. It was loud enough that the disturbance awoke people in the neighborhood. When one of those men went to asked them to "be quiet", they ganged up on him and beat him, knocking him unconscious. They continued beating him, to where his head swelled so badly his neighbor could hardly even recognize him. They had cracked his skull and broke his jaw. We wonder why many children conduct themselves in such a manner.
B. Why would the tees have reacted in the way they did? Chances are great they had never learned respect, honor and obedience to parents.
C. In Ephesians 5, explained that everyday godly relationships, can be understood through the relationship between Christ and his church (Eph 5:32). In Ephesians 5:22-6:9, Paul discussed everyday relationships such as the relationships between (1) husbands and wives (Eph. 5:22-33); (2) parents and children (Eph. 6:1-4); and (3) masters and servants (Eph. 6:5-9). In each case, the particular classification (wives, husbands, children, fathers, servants, and masters) was specifically and directly addressed.
D. Chapter six answers the questions: how children are to react to their parents (6:1); how fathers are to discipline their children (6:4); how employees are to deal with their employers (6:5-8); and how employers are to deal with their employees (6:9).
E. Let’s consider the relationship between children and their parents.
I. The Command (6:1).
A. Children, obey your parents ... (6:1).
KJV
1 ¶ Children <5043>, obey <5219> (5720) your <5216> parents <1118> in <1722> the Lord <2962>: for <1063> this <5124> is <2076> (5748) right <1342>.
TEXTUS RECEPTUS
1 ta <3588> {T-NPN} tekna <5043> {N-NPN} upakouete <5219> (5720) {V-PAM-2P} toiv <3588> {T-DPM} goneusin <1118> {N-DPM} umwn <5216> {P-2GP} en <1722> {PREP} kuriw <2962> {N-DSM} touto <5124> {D-NSN} gar <1063> {CONJ} estin <2076> (5748) {V-PXI-3S} dikaion <1342> {A-NSN}
1. obey, 5219 upakouw HUPAKOUO hoop-ak-oo’-o from 5259 and 191; TDNT-1:223,34; v AV-obey 18, be obedient to 2, hearken 1; 21 1) to listen, to harken 1a) of one who on the knock at the door comes to listen who it is, (the duty of a porter) 2) to harken to a command 2a) to obey, be obedient to, submit to
5720 Tense-Present See 5774
Voice-Active See 5784
Mood -Imperative See 5794
Count-582
a. In speaking to Israel through Moses, God commanded almost the same thing as he did through Paul in Ephesians (Exo 20:12).
(1) If followed these instruction will bring peace and security to the family unit, as well to our society.
(2) It is interesting that this command comes at the beginning of the last six commands which dealt with one person’s relationship with others.
(3) An obvious reason it that if a child does not learn respect for parents, there will be no respect for others, their lives, property, reputation or anything else that belongs to them.
(4) Respect for authority begins in the home and with parents.
b. This word does not simply refer to hearing what is said, and to decide whether or not one might do as told but refers to hearing with a willingly doing as one is told to do.
c. Children you must learn the necessity of obedience and it is up to parents to teach it.
(1) Your proper response in seeking to please God, is obedience to their parents.
(2) Children, you need to understand that generally speaking, your parents, having a 20 or more years head start on you in life, know more about being young, than you know about being older. Adapted B.C. Goodpasture
(a) Because your parents love you, they love you, they want to help you avoid some of those traps and disasters in life that you can’t yet see or don’t yet realize the possible consequences of them.
(b) As immature, impulsive and inexperienced, you should always be ready to submit to the authority of your parents who are more mature, wiser and experienced than you.
(c) Your parents generally have your best interests at heart. Only a foolish child would ignore the wisdom of his or her parents offer.
i) On the other hand, parents, babies are born, without self-control and without any built-in standards of what is right and wrong.
ii) Babies only want instant gratification of their natural impulses.
iii) If babies grow up into children who are allowed to grow up thinking they can always get their own way, they'll end up making many mistakes and making other peoples' lives miserable.
iv) That's why godly parents are so important. God has given parents the responsibility to shape the moral will of their children by setting God’s word, as the standards of what is right from wrong, acceptable or unacceptable. Once that is established, the standard must be consistently enforced until children learn how to rule themselves with appropriate behavior, until they come to personally understand and embrace the reasons why certain behaviors are best.
(d) That wisdom is offered to keep you from falling into the same mistakes or parents or other parents made (Pro 10:1; 13:1; 17:2).
(3) Parents, we fail our children when we do not insist that they obey us.
(a) God gives to all parents the responsibility to build their children's moral character by teaching them to obey God through their respectful obedience to their parents.
(b) To do that, we must determine not undermine the process by becoming a threatening only, or a bribing parent with our children while they are disobedient. Such common parenting styles only teach disobedience and disrespect.
(c) Too many mothers, in wanting their children to stop playing in preparation for going to bed, start asking nicely, but if the child only ignores her, instead of receiving discipline for the failure comply, receive coaxing through an an appeal, "Please go to bed now, to make Mommy happy." If the child continues to ignore obeying, a bribe is made, "I'll give you a piece of candy if you go right now." With continued disobedience, and out of desperation reason reasoning is resorted to, "If you don't get enough sleep, you'll be cranky tomorrow." By this time, the little darling is enjoying the power and the mother is left wondering, "Why aren't you obeying me?" Finally, with a threat, "I'm telling you for the last time, go to bed, or your going to get a spanking" the child usually looks, and declares,"OK, Mommy, I'll go to bed. Just let me finish this one game." The mother, being tired, weak-willed, , gives in to his negotiation and thinking she has allows her child exactly what he wanted.
(d) Ann Landers published and article entitled "How to Be a Stupid Parent". It says, "Discipline your children only when you lose your temper. Let them get away with anything until you get fed up. Then, let 'em have it! Blow your top! Holler! Get wild! Clobber them!" It continues with similar tongue-in-cheek advice, then concludes, "If they turn out well, it won't be your fault. ... ."
(e) You may be asking, “What is the better way?” The better way is always God’s way.
(f) Before the conflict ever starts, we need to teach our children that when we give an instruction, they are expected to comply immediately. If it is not obeyed, we will follow through with disciplinary action.
(g) In preparing children to get ready to go to bed, a mother should tell her child, "In five minutes, it's bedtime, and you need by then, to have finished with your game." The child needs to be told to then make eye contact with her and say, "Yes, Mommy", thereby acknowledging that he heard and understood what she said. When the five minutes are up, Mom will return to the room and say with calm authority, "Your time is up; turn it off and go to your bed now, or there will be a consequence." If her child does not comply within a few seconds, she will execute her parental authority with deliberate assertiveness, without backing down. Perhaps she will take him to his room to receive the chastisement. She should explain to her child that she spanked him because she loves him too much to let him get away with foolish behavior. She will then talk to him about repentance, and wait for him to say, "I was wrong; will you forgive me?" Then when he's ready to restore the relationship, she can give her child a loving hug.
(h) With older children, they could be allowed to make an appeal, but even at that must be willing to leave the final decision to their parents.
(4) Children need correction and discipline when they rebel, if we want them to develop godliness rather then worldliness (Pro 19:18; 23:13-14).
(5) One of the biggest problems with teaching our children respect, honor and obedience is that many of us don’t take the time to teach it.
(a) A young man was to be sentenced to prison for a crime. The judge had known the man from childhood, having been well acquainted with his father, a famous legal scholar and the author of many books. The magistrate asked the young man if he remembered his father. The man said he well remembered him. Probing the offender's conscience, before sentencing him, the judge asked what the young man remembered about his wonderful dad. There was a pause. Then the man mentioned that in many times having gone to his dad for advice, he was told to leave the room because his dad was busy writing a book. When the young man went for companionship, to his dad, he was turned away because his dad still was not finished writing the book. The judge remembered the father as a great lawyer but the young man remembered the dad as a lost friend. The judge muttered to himself, "Sad indeed, He finished the book, but he lost the boy!"
(b) There are many parents who run of after what they want in the world and loose their children.
(c) Our children need to be a priority in our lives!
(d) We all need to understand that good families are not the product of an accident, but of cultivation and nurturing. Moms and dads, let’s get seriously involved in the lives of our children.
(e) The fastest growing trend in criminology is juvenile crime. A few years ago the biggest problems in schools were chewing gum and cutting class, today they are guns and violent gangs. In the US, at least 8 million serious assaults are made each year by children against their parents. I read about a teenager from Albuquerque who beat his parents to death in their beds, buried them in the backyard and then invited his friends over for a party. A child that does not learn to respect his parents will not even have respect for himself. So many problems like drug and alcohol abuse, illicit sex, poor self-esteem and suicide relate back to relationship with parents. Ultimately the child with no respect for the authority, his parents, his society and not even for the greatest authority, God, will end up in jail or worse.
(6) Children, notice that the scripture does not state that you should “obey” your father and mother if you see they are people of integrity. So children, if you want the best that life has to offer, obey your parents.
2. in the Lord (Act 5:29; Luk 14:26).
a. The phrase, in the Lord, is found eight times in Ephesians (Eph. 1:15; 2:21; 4:1,17; 5:8; 6:1,10,21), and the words, in Christ, occur thirteen times (Eph. 1:1,3,10,12,20; 2:6-7,10,13; 3:6,11,21; 4:32).
b. The phrase is also not unconditional?
(1) Jesus warned of families divided over him. Matt 10:34-36
(2) Jesus must be loved more than parents. Matt 10:37-39
(3) Yet try to live peaceably with all. Matt 5:9, Rom 12:18
c. “in” explains the location or place in which the obedience is made.
d. Many place the emphasis of “in the Lord” on parents to suggest they were Christians but in Paul’s having written to the church, the inference is that he was writing to Christian parents, so there was no need to emphasize it. The same would be true of having written to children in this part of the passage. “in the Lord” qualifies not “parents”, but “obey" and refers to obedience according to the Lord's will or teaching.
(1) Children if your parents ask you do what would be wrong, kindly, respectfully let them know why you refuse.
(2) Your first allegiance is to the Lord else (Mat 10:37; Luk 14:26; cf. Mat 12:50; Luk 11:27-28). We are commanded by almighty God to place him first in our lives in obedience, over any one else or anything.
(3) However, if what your parents call you to obey is not against God’s will, obey it.
(4) To ignore God’s command for children to obey their parents, is for children to bring God’s condemnation upon themselves.
(5) Remember, even Jesus was subject to his parents, setting an example for all children.
e. Therefore, children, you are told to obey your parents (Act 5:29).
f. Children, you need to understand, that in obeying, there doesn’t necessarily need to be a reason given to obey, only that if the command does not transgress God’s will, the right thing to do is to obey (Col 3:20).
(1) right, 1342 dikaiov DIKAIOS dik’-ah-yos from 1349; TDNT-2:182,168; adj AV-righteous 41, just 33, right 5, meet 2; 81 1) righteous, observing divine laws 1a) in a wide sense, upright, righteous, virtuous, keeping the commands of God1a1) of those who seem to themselves to be righteous, who pride themselves to be righteous, who pride themselves in their virtues, whether real or imagined 1a2) innocent, faultless, guiltless 1a3) used of him whose way of thinking, feeling, and acting is wholly conformed to the will of God, and who therefore needs no rectification in the heart or life 1a3a) only Christ truly 1a4) approved of or acceptable of God 1b) in a narrower sense, rendering to each his due and that in a judicial sense, passing just judgment on others, whether expressed in words or shown by the manner of dealing with them
(2) There are two ways to obey. We can obey the letter of the command. That is we can go through the motions of obedience but despising in our heart, having had to do so, or we can be obedient from the heart. Children, you may not like having to do something but we do it anyway, out of honor to your parents, for all that they have done for you.
Transition:
II. THE EXPLANATION OF THE COMMAND (6:2; Exo 20:12; Deu 5:16).
A. ... Honour thy father and mother ... (6:2).
2 Honour <5091> (5720) thy <4675> father <3962> and <2532> mother <3384>; (which <3748> is <2076> (5748) the first <4413> commandment <1785> with <1722> promise <1860>;)
2 tima <5091> (5720) {V-PAM-2S} ton <3588> {T-ASM} patera <3962> {N-ASM} sou <4675> {P-2GS} kai <2532> {CONJ} thn <3588> {T-ASF} mhtera <3384> {N-ASF} htiv <3748> {R-NSF} estin <2076> (5748) {V-PXI-3S} entolh <1785> {N-NSF} prwth <4413> {A-NSF} en <1722> {PREP} epaggelia <1860> {N-DSF}
1. honor, 5091 timaw TIMAO tim-ah’-o from 5093; TDNT-8:169,1181; v AV-honour 19, value 2; 21 1) to estimate, fix the value 1a) for the value of something belonging to one’s self 2) to honour, to have in honour, to revere, venerate
5720 Tense-Present See 5774
Voice-Active See 5784
Mood -Imperative See 5794
Count-582
a. The idea is more then just lip service such as Israel gave God. Though they did draw near to him with their mouths and did revere him (Isa 29:13).
b. Children, Jesus taught us to honor our parents (Mar 7:10-12; cp. Joh 19:26-27).
c. Let’s consider what the scripture means that we are to honor our parents.
(1) We honored our parents when we obey, even though there may be something else we would rather do.
(2) We honored our parents when we respectfully living in a manner which displays our understanding of the appropriate behavior we have been taught.
(3) Children, to honor your parents means you that don't give them back talk, lip or sass. Rather, you recognizes that they deserve great dignity and respect.
(4) When you honor your parents, you don't ignore them, or act embarrassed around them, or treat them lightly, or treat them crumby, or try to make them look bad. Instead, you hold them up in as much positive light as you can.
d. Children do not automatically honour their fathers and mothers.
(1) This honour must be earned (Ti 2:1-8).
(2) Parents are admonished to have godly lives.
(3) They are to be teachers of what is good that their daughters are trained to be loving wives and mothers and that their sons, may be prudent, setting an all-round example of integrity and sincerity.
2. Children, let’s also remember that God not only wills for you to respect and honor your parents in your youth, but wills for you to continue it after you have grown.
a. In addition, when your parents are much older, as they financially supported you, so you owe them your willingness to support them (1Ti 5:4; 8).
b. It means that when they are no longer able to earn an income, and when their savings have run out, and their Social Security is all they've got to live on, it means stepping up to your responsibility as an adult child to help support them financially, at least as best you are able (cp. Mar 7:10-13).
3. Maybe some of you children may feel like you hate your parents because they were a long ways from being ideal.
a. Yet, still, they were your source of life and support.
b. They fed you, clothed you and instructed you the best they knew how to do it.
c. So the first thing you owe them is to not to rub their name in the dirt.
Transition: Children, in listening to your parents with honor, you will reach the road in life to happiness.
III. The Reward Of The Commandment (6:3).
A. ... it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long... (6:3).
3 That <2443> it may be <1096> (5638) well <2095> with thee <4671>, and <2532> thou mayest <2071> (5704) live long <3118> on <1909> the earth <1093>.
3 ina <2443> {CONJ} eu <2095> {ADV} soi <4671> {P-2DS} genhtai <1096> (5638) {V-2ADS-3S} kai <2532> {CONJ} esh <2071> (5704) {V-FXI-2S} makrocroniov <3118> {A-NSM} epi <1909> {PREP} thv <3588> {T-GSF} ghv <1093> {N-GSF}
1. The "promise" is not the motivation for honorable obedience, but a result of it. It is not a guarantee but a principle.
2. The idea is probably one of having a good and full life (Pro 30:17; Joh 14:15, 21, 23-24).
a. Children, if you will obey your parents, in the Lord, you will escape a great deal of sin and danger. Therefore avoid the things that will threaten to either shorten your lives or make them miserable.
b. Children, you need to understand that if you spend your time associating with worldly minded friends, particularly doing the things that they do, you will become like them.
c. Some of those things they will do is to display respect and disobedience toward their parents.
d. If you form habits of disobedience toward your parents, you will probably destroy your life!
e. Your character and your personality will change.
f. The Bible recorded the unholy results of children whose parents didn't offer godly instruction or training:
(1) Jacob his sons and Joseph
(2) David and Absalom
(3) Eli and his sons
g. God places the disobedience of children with (Deu 21:18-21; Rom 1:30; 2Ti 3:2).
Conclusion:
Children, do you want your life to go well? Do you want to enjoy a long life on earth? Then sure, eat low-fat foods, get plenty of exercise, take some time off to laugh and relax, but above all, study your Bible, pray, and honor your parents. It is an unbeatable combination for a happy and healthy life.